[Together. That's right. It's something she tells him time and time again, though it seems she needs a little reminder for herself. Especially when it's about something wanted and not just needed.
At his admission, Jill purses her lips in disapproval, but it quickly melts into a sympathetic smile.]
Clive, I am just as inexperienced as you. It would be unfair of me to judge you.
[Not that she would really be able to tell if he was doing something wrong back then. The romance novels have given her ideas and leads as to how things should go, but also, how much of those texts are just fantasy with not even a sprinkle of reality?]
I didn't try to discuss things with you at home because I felt there were more important things to contend with. Others needed you, needed what you do and did for them, and I felt that I could fall behind those things at the time.
[ There is a twinge of relief that comes with not being particularly blamed in that department. It was a new experience for the both, and while those back at the army's camps would easily describe it as something that would come second nature to a man, to know that he wasn't expected to have all the answers did ease some of the embarrassment.
But Jill was right. Back home there was a bigger picture to contend with, and as much as he struggled to balance the two some things at the time had to become priority. He only now realized what he had to give up in order for those tasks to be accomplished. ]
I never gave you the opportunity to speak your mind, though. I can't imagine how you must have felt.
[She shakes her head, not quite brushing off his concern, but also not accepting him taking on all the blame on his own. It takes two to tango and they haven't quite been matching the beat on either end.]
I never took the opportunity to speak my mind either. Granted, I didn't know how then... not that I really do now, but still, there were some things I allowed to pass when I maybe shouldn't have.
[And to complete the pattern they have going on, Jill moves her other hand to cover his, making a little stack of comforting and loving hands between them.]
But that's in the past now. We can only move forward knowing what we now do, right?
[ Her touch, as chill as it may have use to be, was warm and comforting to the touch on top of his own. It gave him the courage to lift his eyes to meet hers, a spark of confidence and contentment behind them. ]
You're right. I won't make the mistake of disappointing you again. [ And as down on himself as he normally his, Clive's words are earnest.
He gives her hand another squeeze before attempting some soft semblance of a smile. ]
There should be no more secrets between us... no more hiding back our feelings. If we are to do this together, we should be as open as possible.
[That smile of his could almost fix everything wrong in her world. There's just something about it that reminds her that he came back, he always comes back, and he will always be there no matter what. It's enough that she lifts her hand to trace the pad of her thumb across his lips, like she's marking their upcurved form to memory.]
Yes, we should. And with that, I shall ask without fear: is there anything you desire of me?
[Other than what they both agree they want (and probably need) at this moment, that is. Perhaps he wants something out of this relationship she can give him immediately, to cement her promise to do better, to allow the man to have the things he wants for once in his life, to be the one to give them to him.]
[ With the knowledge of her desires fully present, it makes the situation rather difficult to not immediately relinquish to her request when Jill's finger traces along his lips. It ignites a flame deep within his chest, taking every bit of will he could conquer up to answer her question first.
They would have plenty of time to accomplish that goal, but after a brief moment of consideration, Clive finally parts his lips briefly to speak his mind. ]
My only desire is for you to agree to a proper courtship with me.
[ It... may sound like a strange request, but one Clive felt that needed to be addressed. If they were going to make this work, if they were truly in this together, then he needed to take the proper steps in order to do so.
Starting with going back to the basics. ]
... I never did truly ask you, though there were many times I wish I had.
Well, if that's the case, I agree. [As if she would ever tell him no.] But in the interest of being honest, I don't quite know what that entails.
[At least for herself. The novels have given her ideas with things like candlelit dinners, a bouquet of flowers from a suitor, grand and wordy gestures of loving out loud. Not all of them seem to her taste, but if that is what Clive wants, that is what he shall get.
She's already given him flowers in the form of the snow daisy garland. Perhaps he would like a box of chocolates next.]
You'll have to be a bit more specific, I'm afraid.
[Alas, it has been far too many years for Jill to remember any of the Duchy gossip. Besides, what she did hear flew mostly above her head at that age and didn't register. They are truly on their own here, but at least there are books to guide them in the proper direction.
And like magnets against metal, his coming close pulls Jill in until her forehead presses against his and she takes in a deep breath of Clive's essence, no longer carrying the scent of smoke and fire, but now of leather and ocean spray. It's still just as comforting as ever and Jill relishes in it greedily.]
As long as you do, I will hold nothing against you.
[That's really all Jill is asking of Clive. A try. If he stumbles, she will stumble with him. She will be there to pick up what pieces crash to the floor and help him put them back together. But he has to make the attempt and she has to stop making all the attempts on her own, at least according to the anonymous letters.
On the other side of the room, Torgal huffs and rises to his feet, stretching lightly before padding off into the bedroom. It's like he hears these two putting their fondness for one another into outspoken words and realizes it's time to give them some privacy.]
And I love you too. You will never lose me. This, I promise you.
[A heavy vow, indeed, but one she swears her life to.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
At his admission, Jill purses her lips in disapproval, but it quickly melts into a sympathetic smile.]
Clive, I am just as inexperienced as you. It would be unfair of me to judge you.
[Not that she would really be able to tell if he was doing something wrong back then. The romance novels have given her ideas and leads as to how things should go, but also, how much of those texts are just fantasy with not even a sprinkle of reality?]
I didn't try to discuss things with you at home because I felt there were more important things to contend with. Others needed you, needed what you do and did for them, and I felt that I could fall behind those things at the time.
no subject
But Jill was right. Back home there was a bigger picture to contend with, and as much as he struggled to balance the two some things at the time had to become priority. He only now realized what he had to give up in order for those tasks to be accomplished. ]
I never gave you the opportunity to speak your mind, though. I can't imagine how you must have felt.
no subject
I never took the opportunity to speak my mind either. Granted, I didn't know how then... not that I really do now, but still, there were some things I allowed to pass when I maybe shouldn't have.
[And to complete the pattern they have going on, Jill moves her other hand to cover his, making a little stack of comforting and loving hands between them.]
But that's in the past now. We can only move forward knowing what we now do, right?
no subject
You're right. I won't make the mistake of disappointing you again. [ And as down on himself as he normally his, Clive's words are earnest.
He gives her hand another squeeze before attempting some soft semblance of a smile. ]
There should be no more secrets between us... no more hiding back our feelings. If we are to do this together, we should be as open as possible.
no subject
Yes, we should. And with that, I shall ask without fear: is there anything you desire of me?
[Other than what they both agree they want (and probably need) at this moment, that is. Perhaps he wants something out of this relationship she can give him immediately, to cement her promise to do better, to allow the man to have the things he wants for once in his life, to be the one to give them to him.]
no subject
They would have plenty of time to accomplish that goal, but after a brief moment of consideration, Clive finally parts his lips briefly to speak his mind. ]
My only desire is for you to agree to a proper courtship with me.
[ It... may sound like a strange request, but one Clive felt that needed to be addressed. If they were going to make this work, if they were truly in this together, then he needed to take the proper steps in order to do so.
Starting with going back to the basics. ]
... I never did truly ask you, though there were many times I wish I had.
no subject
[At least for herself. The novels have given her ideas with things like candlelit dinners, a bouquet of flowers from a suitor, grand and wordy gestures of loving out loud. Not all of them seem to her taste, but if that is what Clive wants, that is what he shall get.
She's already given him flowers in the form of the snow daisy garland. Perhaps he would like a box of chocolates next.]
You'll have to be a bit more specific, I'm afraid.
no subject
But this was his request, so he would do the work to gather what he could, and how to be a proper "boyfriend". ]
I'm not sure how others go about it. I don't know if there is a standard or if what I am doing is "proper" at all, but I mean to try.
[ Another light squeeze of her hand. This time he begins to lean in a bit closer, the spark of something nestled in his blue eyes. ]
The only thing I know for certain is that I love you, and I never want to lose you.
no subject
And like magnets against metal, his coming close pulls Jill in until her forehead presses against his and she takes in a deep breath of Clive's essence, no longer carrying the scent of smoke and fire, but now of leather and ocean spray. It's still just as comforting as ever and Jill relishes in it greedily.]
As long as you do, I will hold nothing against you.
[That's really all Jill is asking of Clive. A try. If he stumbles, she will stumble with him. She will be there to pick up what pieces crash to the floor and help him put them back together. But he has to make the attempt and she has to stop making all the attempts on her own, at least according to the anonymous letters.
On the other side of the room, Torgal huffs and rises to his feet, stretching lightly before padding off into the bedroom. It's like he hears these two putting their fondness for one another into outspoken words and realizes it's time to give them some privacy.]
And I love you too. You will never lose me. This, I promise you.
[A heavy vow, indeed, but one she swears her life to.]